I am completely crushed this couple of days, Yes, I lost, my one and only reason to dream. I never got back at the regional stage thus, my heart aches. I want to cry so bad, but I only got dry tears, however my heart is completely destroyed.

I’m disoriented. I try to review the lessons I missed. However, my mind rejects it, and profusely wants me to keep on writing and taking pictures.

I want to break down and cry, throw my paper and pen, this is what I live for, this is how I got through in every year of my high school years, hoping to get the chance, I get to be where others don’t deserve to be.

But sadly, the truth intoxicates me, I refuse to see reality, I’m no writer, nor a journalist, I’m only a dreamer, in a never ending nightmare of failures, goals that are crushed with every dream I try to reach.

Sadly, I never found my forte, I thought these last 6 years of my life I was doing what I do best, sadly, I wasted my time. I went through hell! Sleepless nights and my hand sore and literally bled from writing. I didn’t stop there.

I drew, even though I faced the fact that i’m not an artist. I went through editing even though I know that sheer logic dictates I will lose. I challenged myself to get better, they say I did, but for me, I got worse.

I lost every competition, my title taken away from me and before i knew it. My role and soul purpose slipped away. I am drained, I have nothing left. I have nothing to lose but I still lost. AND IT FEELS LIKE CRAP!